Am I that dense?

After church this morning, I made the statement that our preacher confused me more perhaps each week. Long story, but let's just say that many times he has trouble staying on track. I often have a hard time following, and with class this morning, that was no exception.

Come to think of it, this blog entry may turn out a lot that way.

Going off track, but not really, I ask the question: Have you ever sat through a sermon on a specific subject, and wondered, "hmm... wonder who that was pointed to?" For example, a pointed sermon on drinking, and it makes you think, "I wonder who Sam ran into this week at Don Jose's partaking of the Wednesday margarita special?" or "who was caught checking out with a case of Bud Light at Wal-Mart?"

Well, I guess sooner or later, something is bound to hit each of us between the eyes like David and his slingshot with Goliath. Tonight's subject, the one sermon I was really able to stick with in a while, "I have a WAIT problem."

I've always struggled with patience. I remember our weekly campus center leadership meetings in college when we would do prayer requests. I distinctly remember asking the others in the group to pray for me to have patience. I was struggling with patience. What exactly I was being impatient about at the time, I don't remember. Couldn't tell you. Whatever it was, it obviously wasn't life shattering. But, the point is, God was trying to teach me a lesson in patience. That was 10 years ago.

Evidently, I'm quite dense, because I still haven't learned my lesson. I'm going through remedial tutorials and summer school for it at the moment.

I had to fight back tears tonight as the lesson came to a close, and I don't know if I've ever been hit that hard by one lesson. It was a reinforcement of what wise people in my life have been telling me lately. Sort of beating me over the head with lately to tell you the truth. I really wish a couple of people had been there tonight that I could have talked to afterwards.

Waiting and trusting can be so hard, but that's where I am right now with life in general.

Danielle, a single friend at church, and I passed each other and we decided to catch up for a minute. She said I looked tired - I think I was just trying to not look like I was on the verge of tears. I told her I was amidst my own "wait problem."

This is where I'm going to switch gears from the serious to the humorous.

When I said what I did, Danielle said, "yeah, there was a period of time where all my friends were getting married and..."

I cut her off, "oh, this isn't about finding a man."

I guess that's THE single person's wait problem. There was even an illustration in the sermon about a friend of the preacher who had called him desperate to find a woman (before you go thinking anything - the guy got married last month). The advice to him was to grown in his relationship with God and when that grew, marriage would come. And it did. (Funny how sermon illustrations always turn out that way.)

Another friend told me not too long ago that maybe if I were to ever move out of Corsicana then maybe I would meet me a man. I replied back, "oh, that's not even what I'm looking for." To which she answered, "it always happens when you aren't looking for it."

My answer? "I haven't been looking in 10 years." OK, that was a bit of an exaggeration. I have looked in the past 10 years, but it has been 10 years since I've had a date.

Why is it that well meaning married people always say that? Especially those married from like age 20?

I do know people in the Dallas area that are not particularly looking that are still single. Moving to a big city and "not looking" is not the secret formula to an instant marriage proposal.

I think I'm going to take a moment to sound like the great Wheezer from Steel Magnolias. Try to channel her voice on a rant to Clariee as I say this. "I've come to terms with the fact I am not meant to get married, and I don't want children because I'm afraid they'll turn out just like me. I can deal with being single, it's being around married people that sometimes gets to me."

Another one of our preacher's things is each Sunday night he asks three questions, "what is the definition of success?", "what is the definition of failure?", and "when you grow up, who are you going to marry?"

By all means, marrying a Christian should be a goal. I just sometimes sigh as the children answer in chorus. Will they be disappointed to learn that God put old maid aunts with Wheezer complexes on Earth too?

As for not having children that turn out like me... Paige and Peyton have not totally escaped being unlike me. I won't go into all that at this time since it is beyond popping knuckles the same way I do and stuff like that. I just hope it's God's sense of humor.