A dose of honesty

I can still talk about whatever I want here, right?


Can I just say that I have had a CRAPPY week? I want to be able to say that I had a crappy week. I'm tired. I'm stressed to a frazzle. I had a PMS day full of emotions that someone blew out of proportion (sorry guys, but that's what it was).


When I get really frustrated it helps to cry, but as hard as I tried to cry the last few weeks, I just couldn't. Until this week. And I let loose more than once.

There are really only two people that I know that I can really just talk things out with completely, and it really helps me to be able to talk. Thankfully, one of them was available when I really needed it most this week and for that, I am so appreciative.

Next week is going to be better! It has to be right?

(Angie - I so should have met up with you for that frappachino this week. It's my fault for not bringing it back up. We're going to have to make it work next week.)

I am going to take a few days off week after next, and I have to make myself go and do something fun or something for myself that is a distraction from life's junk.

You all should be proud of me. My parents and nieces headed to Branson last night, and I didn't go on the trip. Some people thought I would give in, but I didn't. And there was a much higher likelihood in the end than there was in the beginning seeing as Brian and Julie didn't go with Madison and Layton.

I spent some time with the girls before they left yesterday, and it made me really want to be with them this week. If it hadn't been Branson, I would have most likely gone.

I had no desire to go back to Branson. It's my dad that loves it and makes such a big deal and have the girls convinced it's the greatest place ever. It was the mix of the locale and the original plan of Brian going that made me say "no way" from the beginning. It was a refusal that I really needed follow through on. I needed everyone to respect my opinion. I needed to exert my adulthood and not be pushed around and swayed in the people pleasing manner that I have been known to. "Branson" is really code word for manipulation over the years (right, Eloise?).

But, was I just being too stubborn and giving up a perfectly good chance to get away and to be with the girls? Quite possibly. As Paige pointed out to me at some point yesterday about not going, "it's all your fault." "Yes, it is." I had tears in my eyes yesterday as they all left - Peyton noticed - because I really didn't want to be left alone right now.

My mom called this afternoon once they got to their hotel. She tells me, "Paige and Peyton wanted to ride the helicopter, but Dad told them that you would be mad." Yes, I would be, but was he using it as an excuse to put it off on me? In all reality, the reason they aren't going to do it is because you wouldn't get Mom or Dad on a helicopter if their life depended on it, not because I'm not there. I'm pretty sure the girls realize that.

Well, for now, I must go work on the tasks I've been pushing myself to accomplish all day. I haven't gotten very far, so I must carry on.

I know that my week could have been much crappier than it was. If you need to blow off some steam, please comment. It will help me put my junk into perspective.