I'm really not that picky when you think about it

Since I've been on the topic of singleness, I'll share some of my list of "no's". Some people have a list of serious "must haves" or "must not haves". Some have strict lists, some, not so much. I haven't been on a date for longer than I'm actually going to put into print here. It's ridiculous, I tell you, so I know that I really don't have room to be picky in all honesty. Or maybe I actually do.

My list is nothing like some people I have known. A couple of years out of college, I had a guy friend who was border-line obsessed with finding a woman. He had a list. His list was something like this:

• Must be gorgeous - definitely need to have a spark - a major attraction immediately.
• Not be an oldest child. After all, he was an oldest child and he had read a Kevin Leman book and that was just not going to happen. They would be too much a like, and it would never work.
• He was a youth minister, so he was adamant that his future Mrs. Youth Minister could not be a new Christian.
• She must be a college graduate. (Mainly because of the next part.)
• She needed to be about his age. His previous serious girlfriend was probably 7 years younger than he was (and he was in his mid-twenties).
• He had some other things that I don't really remember, but he definitely had in his mind who his future wife would be.

Let me tell you a little something about his wife of five years. She's the oldest child who didn't graduate college until after they got married because she was 10 years younger than he was. She was a new convert to our church, and as sweet as she is, I never thought she was even cute. But, they are happy, and more power to them.

Realize when I now go into this that it's all to be funny or said with the utmost humor. It has nothing to do with the whole "God will give you something when you are ready" or "the most important thing is that he loves Jesus first." I get that. I'm just saying, let me be funny about this without over spiritualizing anything. I believe that you have to have a sense of humor about things.

I am 33 years old, and I've really felt like for a long time that I will never get married. We don't have to argue that point in any way. If a miracle happens, it happens. I can still have a list. And here it is.

I decide to share this today because I was talking to Nancy at work, and in the course of conversation, I added another item to my list.

#1: Cannot be named "Christopher" or go by "Chris" or "Topher." This is one that my friend Jenny and I both have on our lists. The only guy I dated in college was a "Chris" and he had serious mommy issues. As in the guy was 25 at the time and still connected to his mommy via the umbilical cord. Jenny's Chris was a Satan worshipper. She went out with another Chris along the way that was a no for another reason. I forgot why. Guys named Chris seem to be flirts - I can think of two easily that I have witnessed firsthand from. And I cannot stand guys that are all flirt.

A couple of weeks ago, Jenny and I were talking about going to see the movie Valentine's Day, and for some reason, I brought up the fact that Topher Grace was in the movie. I said that name was stupid and could never go out with a "Topher". She said it was short for Christopher, and I said, "oh good, that falls in my rule and I don't have to technically disqualify another name and make my list seem long."

#2 The guy cannot be a pilot. Based on what I now know about some certain people, I believe that pilots (and flight attendants for that matter) probably have a person in every city. It kind of gives a whole new meeting to "flying the friendly skies." This is really not fair, I realize, but in my mind, I'm really creeped out by the thought of pilots. Like, pass the antibiotics before I get near one, so that I don't get a disease. I know, too much information.

#3 Cannot be from the Hamptons. Nancy had made some granola from a recipe by the Barefoot Contessa. Have you ever noticed that every man that the Barefoot Contessa knows (with the exception of her husband Jeffrey - and I have questions about him) in the Hamptons is gay? Therefore, if the men in the Hamptons are all gay, that should be a given that this rule not even count.

#4 MUST not be old enough to be my dad. My ex-sister-in-law has just, or is about to, marry a man more than twice her age. She will be 29 in a couple of months. I am 98% sure the guy she marrying is going to be 60. He has children her age or older. (Did I mention he is a pilot?) I've not met him, and he may be a great guy. I don't know.

Personally, I just think marrying a guy twice your age is ewww. I don't really think that makes me picky.

That's all I can think of from now that I have definite opinions about. I may be reminded of something else later.

And, yes, God my throw a 60 year old pilot named Christopher from the Hamptons in my path tomorrow. If He does though, I think I'd have to be committed.