Pure torture

It was pure torture this morning sitting through Paige's soccer game, and I don't just mean because the thing would never end. As painful as those games can be, even more painful was biting my tongue for the whole thing not being able to comment on the obvious.

When I walked up shortly after the game started, I was Paige and Peyton's other grandmother, and what at first I thought was their other aunt (their mom's sister). As I came around the stands to sit down, Libby (aka Granna) said something to me about enjoying a story (or video) that was on my Facebook or blog because Melissa (her daughter-in-law) had seen it (another reason that this particular story is on this blog rather than the other one that feeds on to Facebook). I'm still thinking it's Courtney sitting up in the stands until Joni (my ex-sister-in-law) said something and I heard her voice and saw her false teeth. That's when I realized it was her.

GIRL GOT EXTENSIONS!!!

When Joni and Brian got married, her hair was really long. Not long afterwards, she cut it all off really short. And in the nine years since then, it's been really short. Short as in shaved at the bottom in the back and swinging forward to being longer in the front (I don't think that looks good on anyone). At times, she's even had these weird "wings", but that's beside the point.

It just didn't seem right for her hair to be so long after so long. Or maybe I should say it just didn't seem right for her hair to be so long after so short of a time (just saw her 2 or 3 weeks ago).

Finally, once the game was over and we started heading towards the other field for Peyton's game, I waited back for Mom. Before I said a word, she says, "Peyton said she didn't even recognize her. I thought it was Courtney at first."

Kind of good to know I wasn't the only one thrown off.

So Paige didn't get a good look at this new hairdo until she was in the stands during Peyton's game. She starts playing with it from behind her mom's back and says, "you need to wash it or something, it's kind of rough. Is it real hair?" She keeps saying things that only kids can get away with, and I had to turn around so she couldn't see me about to burst laughing and fall off the bleachers.

Dad said later that he was surprised that Paige didn't pull them out playing with it.

Mom's comments revolved around her fake teeth (which in her defense she had to get when she lost her real ones to a softball game, but Brian had to re-purchase when they needed to be replaced), her fake boobs (which I won't tell you who I heard paid for those) and her fake hair (which I hear costs quite a pretty penny). OK, yeah, I guess that all is pretty tacky.

The absurdity of all of it (and just take my word for it that it's absurd) actually topped the last thing I almost snorted tea out of my nose about. Paige told my mom that her mom was going to dress up as a nun for Halloween. It kind of reminded me of the line from Steel Magnolias when someone asked Wheezer if she had ever done a religious thing in her life. Her reply was something like, "Of course. When I was in college a bunch of us dressed up like nuns and went to a bar."

Personally, I think that Halloween is the most absurd holiday ever. It's just ridiculous in my opinion. I tend to come straight home, turn off my lights and stay there until morning. It's stupid and greedy that people in this town load up kids in the back of trucks and on trailers and tote them to the better neighborhoods in town to load up on candy. For Pete's sake, just go out to Wal-Mart on November 1 and buy all of the same candy you want for 50-75% off. Goodness knows they have to move it out to start putting up Christmas trees.